1/2
Cledus T. Judd
Album: Celdus Envy
Submitted by: Christopher R.
December 14, 2003

Well (C) here's how this whole mess got started
Had a (Em) stripper at a bachelor party
I (Am) knew when she jumped out of that cake
(F) We were meant to be (G)
The (C) next date we both flew off to Vegas
I (Em) must have been an ignoramus
I (Am) honestly believed that she 
(F) Loved me just for me
(G) Oh it wasn't (Am) six months (F) it came to an (C) end
(G) I walked out of the (Am) courtroom crying
(F) She left with a grin

Cause she got (C) half
And I said (G) "OW!"
I mean (Am) dang
That comes to (F) nearly fifty (C) thou 
Per (G) date
My (Am) butt had never been so (F) chafed
Cause she got (C) half

I (C) wondered if I'd remain lonely
Or (Em) would I find my one and only
(Am) Then the answer to my prayers 
Ap(F)peared on my TV (G)
The (C) cutest little tarot card reader
I (Em) knew that I just had to meet her
(Am) Then she said it was in the cards
For (F) her to marry me
(G) Oh wasn't (Am) three months later I was (F) back in court a(C)gain
(G) No way she (Am) could have predicted
The (F) way it would end

Cause I got (C) half
And she said (G) "OW!"
Two dollars a (Am) minute 
So every(F)one call right now
(C) Your
Future aw(G)aits
And (Am) I will be the next Bill (F) Gates
Cause I get (C) half

Some(G)times you're better off as friends
Cause (F) if it ever ends

Then (G) they get (C) half
And you'll say (G) "OW"
So I'm not (Am) looking to get (F) married right now
(C) I've got a (G) date
With a (Am) beautiful Playboy Play(F)mate
Who won't get (C) half

Fade out...