I Believe--Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Foxworthy

Most of this is spoken, parts of it without any chords; I have added chords that I feel 
fit the song well enough.   There is a little excerpt from "Can't You See" in here; 
it's duly noted where to play it.  I've also left a bit of banter out...buy the 
record ("Have Your Loved Ones Spayed Or Neutered") for the full version.

Picking: Pick the notes on the D chord, during the jokes.   A random picking pattern
is ok; don't feel obligated to memorize a certain pattern.   And feel free to add in
a Dsus2 (xx0233) or Dsus4 (xx0230) now and then for flavor.   

Have some fun with this one.


N/C

This is called "I Believe."   "El Believo" for the Spanish people.

D (strum a few times)


I believe you never hear people who've been married for a long time ask each other "What 
are you thinking about?" Because they're too scared the other one will say, 
                                            G   A  D
"How I can kill you and not go to jail."

                                                                        G   A   D
I believe Brittany Spears should be one of Baskin Robbins 31 flavors.


I believe that if on Halloween Night 17 year olds show up at your door trick or
treatin in their street clothes it should be perfectly ok to give them 
                   G   A   D
X-Lax Chocolates.

                                                                G  A  D
I believe Spandex pants should be a privilege and not a right.


I believe that if at first you don't succeed, ask your doctor for a free sample
            G   A   D
of Viagra.

                                                                    G  A  D
I believe the color of the state flag of Alabama, should be primary.

                                                                A   G   D
I believe that men usually die before women because we want to.
(I believe there's some women in here wanna kick your ass after the show)


Hey do you know why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder?   Because the DNA's all
                                         G  A  D
the same and there's no dental records.

                                             
I believe, I believe it's time for a song.

(Brief pause.   Then start playing D  Cadd9   G   D, and whistle "Can't You See"...
in a very crappy manner.  Set it to the chords below.  Play sequence 4x, then sing.)

             D         Cadd9 G
Doo-doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo- dooo
         D           Cadd9
I can't pee, I can't pee
           G                    D
'Cause my prostate done quit on me

D
I belive you show me a 3 year old running around Wal-Mart in his underpants drinkin
                                                                       G  A  D
Coca-Colo out of a baby bottle and I'll show you a future NASCAR fan.

                                   G  A  D
I believe whoever smelt it dealt it.       Das what my Daddy told me.


I believe if you can't say something nice about somebody, you must be talking about
                G  A   D
Hilary Clinton.

                                                              G    A   D
I believe no matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.


I believe the only thing worse than having diarrhea is trying to have it quietly
                          G   A   D
in a public restroom room.

D
(I done that.   That's why I always go to the crippled stools.   Because it's clean,
and there's a lot more room in there.   And then you got the rails for power
squeezin.   The crippled stool is the Cadillac of the poopin stools.)


I believe if you let somebody cut in front of you in traffic, and they don't give you
the little wave, that it should be perfectly legal to get up underneath them hit 'em 
                                   G   A   D (let ring)
loose and put 'em into the wall.

I believe it's time to say goodnight.