Rodney Carrington – Today’s The Day 
(Live on Bob and Tom Show)

E
I got home and the door was locked   
And I tried to ring the bell 
Then I found little bitty note that she had wrote
Tellin’ me to go to hell
  A                     
I crawled in the window I got inside
    E
She kicked me in the balls and I cried
B
Called me name, said I lied
E
Kicked me again and I thought I’d died
A               
Took my clothes set em on fire
    E
And hit me with her curling iron
  A                 
I tried to block it with my watch 
    B
And then she kicked me in the crotch again
     A                  B               E
Yeah Today’s The Day my wife met my girlfriend.

E
Well I tried to tell her but she didn’t care
Things were what they seemed
She had a pan on the stove full of boilin’ water
And my nads would soon be steamed
  A
I tried to run, screamed for help
    E
She hit me in the nards with a rhinestone belt
B
It was like nothin’ I’ve ever felt
I thank God I wasn’t wearin’ a kilt
    A                    
She grabbed a bat from beneath the bed
    E
She swung it once then she missed my head
B
She reared back, swung it again
    A                            B
And then she hit me in the twins again
     A                  B               E
Yeah Today’s The Day my wife met my girlfriend.

     A                          B
Yeah Today’s The Day that awful day
       A                 B
Hey my boys gonna be the same
     A                  B               E
Yeah Today’s The Day my wife met my girlfriend.

?'s buffdixie at yahoo.com