SOUTHERN SUGGESTIONS
MICHAEL RENO HARRELL

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IT’S MUSTARD ON HOT DOGS AND CATSUP ON FRENCH FRIED POTATOES
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GRAVY ON BISCUITS AND CORN MEAL ON FRIED GREEN TOMATOES
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IF YOU’RE COOKING A PIG YOU NEED TO START ABOUT THREE IN THE MORNING
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AND IF YOU GO TO THE BEACH PAY ATTENTION TO HURRICANE WARNINGS

YOU DON’T ORDER GRITS THEY JUST COME ANYTIME YOU SAY EGGS
CLEAR FINGERNAIL POLISH WHEN CHIGGERS GET HOLD OF YOUR LEGS
DON’T DRINK THE MOONSHINE UNLESS YOU KNOW WHERE IT WAS MADE
AND NEVER STAND IN THE SUN ANYTIME YOU CAN SIT IN THE SHADE

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THESE AREN’T RULES IT’S JUST SOME THINGS THAT WE FIGURED OUT
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TO MAKE LIVING EASY WHEN YOU’RE LIVING HERE IN THE SOUTH

HONEYSUCKLE TASTES SWEET IF YOU SUCK THE BACK END OF A BLOSSOM
CATFISH TASTES GREAT BUT I DON’T KNOW A SOUL WHO EATS POSSUM
IF YOUR PLOWING A GARDEN A LITTLE FORD TRACTOR WILL DO
BUT GET A JOHN DEERE IF YOU’VE GOT MORE THAN AN ACRE OR TWO

AN OLD TRACTOR TIRE PAINTED WHITE AND PLACED IN THE YARD
MAKES QUITE A STUNNING PLANTER BUT DON’T USE A TIRE FROM A CAR
SEE A CAR TIRE YOU TIE TO A ROPE AND YOU HANG FROM A TREE
AND TOBACCO JUICE WORKS LIKE A CHAMP WHEN YOU’RE STUNG BY A BEE

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YOU ALL IS PLURAL IF IT’S ONLY ONE JUST SAY YOU
IT’S ALRIGHT TO BE CATHOLIC OR MORMON OR HINDU OR JEW
SEE THE BAPTISTS DON’T OWN THE SOUTH THEY JUST USE THE NAME
ICED TEA AIN’T FOR BREAKFAST AND ALL BARBECUE AIN’T THE SAME

TRY TO EAT LUNCH WHERE THE WAITRESS ALL CALLS YOU HONEY
MAYBE ONE OF THESE DAYS YOU’LL THINK JOHN BOY AND BILLY ARE FUNNY
THE FACT THAT PEOPLE MAKE MONEY BASS FISHING’S AMAZING
AND NASCAR IS KICKING INDY CAR’S ASS AT CAR RACING

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