The Ballad of Cactus Pete and Lefty--Ray Stevens
written by Ray Stevens and C.W. Kalb, Jr.
From the album "Crackin' Up"
Corrections welcome.


CHORUS 1:

G                       C          D                               G
This is the ballad of Cactus Pete, he spent his life out in the desert heat
                      C       D                    G
In Arizona and New Mexico, searchin' for the motherlode
                   C
He had no friends, he had no family
       D                   G
Just a pet sidewinder that he called Lefty
                        C                         D                  G
They shared a run-down minin' shack out with the coyotes and horny toads


(SPOKEN)
(alternate between Em7 and G...listen to record for timing)
Heehee, yeah just look at him all coiled up over there
I'll never forget the first time I saw him
He's just a sneakin' up on a little toady frog (rattling)
Settle down settle down, ain't no toady frogs, I'm just tellin' 'em 'bout you 
sneakin' up on one
He loves them little toady frogs...Lord I couldn't live like that
You shoulda seen him when I first found him; he had real bad teeth
Yeah, just them two little bicuspids there in front, Lord what a gap
Made Leon Sphinx look like Burt Lancaster
Took him to the orthodondist, yeah we tried braces...that didn't last too long
Heck, I got tired of mashin' up them little toady frogs for him
So we just had 'em capped, yeah he'd have to have 'em capped anyways,
both had big caveties in them
Oh, but just look at that smile on him over there now though


CHORUS 2:
G              C                    D             G
Cactus Pete, Cactus Pete, with his pet sidewinder at his feet
                         C                             D                    G
Strangest old codger you ever wanna meet, this is the ballad of Lefty and Cactus Pete


(SPOKEN)
Heehee, yeah me 'n old Lefty, we ain't got much, I'm poorer 'n a church mouse (rattling)
Settle down settle down ain't no church mouse I'm just tellin' 'em 'bout a church mouse
He loves a fuzzy little church mouse, Lord I couldn't live like that
He's a cold-natured critter, yeah I cut the toe out of an old sock one time
Made him a little sweater; didn't work, though, he just kept crawlin' out of it
He ain't hardly got no shoulders at all, you know; but Lord what a neck
Got more neck than Audrey Hepburn


CHORUS 3 (like 2):

Cactus Pete, Cactus Pete, with his pet sidewinder at his feet
Out there 'mongst the cacti and mesquite, this is the ballad of Lefty and Cactus Pete


(SPOKEN)
Heehee, yeah nearly lost ol' Left one time though
He's out sunnin' himself on that big rock o'er there
Yeah he'd just gorged down 2 blue-bellied lizzards and a gilee monster (rattling)
Settle down settle down ain't no gilee monster I'm talkin' 'bout a gilee monster
Like I said, he's on that rock o'er there and a big ol' bald a-headed eagel just
swooped down, snatched him up, when flappin' off with him through the cactus
Ol' Lefty he just squirmed around, looked up at that big ol' eagle, flashed him that
pearly toothed smile, that eagle dropped him like a hot potato, haahaa
Thought he was a lawyer


CHORUS 4 (like 2):

Cactus Pete, Cactus Pete, with his pet sidewinder at his feet
The saga of the west wouldn't be complete, without the ballad of Cactus Pete
G
(rattling)
And Lefty


(SPOKEN)
Calm down there boy, they wasn't gonna forget ya
OK Lefty, heel!  Now, sit up!   That's a good boy!   Now roll over!
I got a nice little hampster here for ya, let me see them teeth!
Oh yeah, just look at that smile!


CHORDS:

G 	 320003
C 	 x32010
D 	 xx0232
Em7 	 022030